Why trust legitimate sources when you can trust random people on the internet?
Our revolutionary social proof system leverages your friend's cousin's roommate's Telegram group admin's insider knowledge. News spreads faster than fact-checkers can keep up! Powered by screenshot-of-a-screenshot technology and "My uncle works there" verification.
Our pharmaceutical-grade copium is synthesized in state-of-the-art facilities by expert bagholders. Each dose is carefully formulated to help you ignore those pesky red candles and maintain unwavering conviction in the face of mounting losses. Side effects may include: selective memory, chart pattern hallucinations, and an inability to sell.
Distilled from the finest trust-me-bro sources and refined through our proprietary "Just Around the Corner" process. Each hit of hopium is guaranteed to make you believe the next bull run is imminent. Our expert moonologists carefully blend wishful thinking with selective chart analysis to produce the purest grade of "This Time It's Different" available on the market. Warning: May cause extreme portfolio conviction and an inability to recognize bear markets.
1,000,000,000 FAUX
3% for More Hopium
2% to Fake News Pool
1% (Trust Me Bro)
Holders: "Trust-Me-Bros" π₯
Paper Hands: "Fact Checkers" π
Diamond Hands: "True Believers" π
Pumps: "Breaking News" π
Dips: "Fake FUD" π